New start..

Wow, it's been exactly one month since I last posted - baaaad blogger!!

So much has happened in that time. For a start I'M A QUALIFIED PERSONAL TRAINER!!! Amazing right?!
Not only that but I'm a qualified Gym Instructor too with a Sports Nutrition certificate too.
I have been so stressed during this course..I small part of the old me came back. The me that stress eats..oh my god it was obscene!
I couldn't stay out of the kitchen and because I was so tired by the end of the day, I wasn't working out either (outside of the classes I had to do) Ugh, have never felt so unfit and unhealthy in a long time BUT it was only for a few weeks and it's over now, so back to my old routine :)

I am so proud of myself for getting through the course. It's a huge deal for me, I have NEVER done anything like this before and even though it was a big decision and I was terrified I knew I could do it.
Now the hard work really starts though..and all out of nowhere I've had a lot of decisions to make.

On my last day of the course I had an interview for a super posh gym (which just happens to be just down the road from my house) BUT the gym rent is so expensive and as much as I liked the gym itself...there wasn't the most welcoming of vibes coming from the staff so I decided to turn the job down.
In the meantime, my old boss from the bookshop I used to work at called and said he's opening another bookshop and did I want to come back.

Excellent! I thought, I can do part time hours at the bookshop, do personal training in the mornings and afternoons and know that i'm earning enough money to pay back the course fees. However I must admit that at the back of mind I couldn't help but feel a little sad. I thougth I'd left my days of retail behind me..this was supposed to be fresh start of my new career.

THEN..the guy who interviewed me for the super posh gym got in touch and said that a girl had left the gym and now there was only one female personal trainer there (apparently us females are in demand) and they still really want me blah blah blah and have offered to let me work at the gym for a day or two as a trial run to see how the place runs.

I am so tempted...but I can't help but think how unfriendly the people were and that I HAVE to get clients coz I'll be owing the gym rent at the end of the month. It's such a scary thought...but then, this is what I want to do and I'll get paid well for it..so long as I get the clients.

It's all about stepping out of my comfort zone isn't it..


I'll never know what I could have acheived if I don't give it a go...part of me knows I can do this on my own..I don't need to pay gym rent and I know that the sensible option is to go to the bookshop buuuuut I'm tempted by this gym. It has a good reputation and at the end of the day it's all experience isn't it?
I can always keep an eye out for other gym jobs. Infact I've applied for a few already so who knows...

I have to learn to just roll with the punches..life has a way of working out for the best.

Stresssssssssssssssss!!

Oh my...so much to catch up on!


So. First things first.
I have my offical assessment and theory exams coming this week - eeeeeek!! So, really I should be revising right now but alas..life gets in the way.
This week has been extraordinarily stressful. I've had my course to work on, roller derby business to attend to AND sort out my part time cleaning job issues. It's been a loooooooong week.

So, to update, I quit my cleaning job. I worked for them for 7 weeks & they didn't pay me once & messed me around. Even though I'm not really in a position to tell them where to go, I had to. I need that extra hour for revision and chasing them for my money every week was becoming so stressful.



Roller derby, well, let me tell you I seriously considered quitting it this week. It made me so sad to think that something I once loved SO much was now something I dreaded doing. Something that was meant to be a fun hobby had turned into something so stressful and was making me feel like crap.
I had gotten myself into this situation by not taking control. I was in charge and for whatever reason I had let someone else take the reigns ..BIG MISTAKE!

I have since decided to take the power back. I AM IN CHARGE!! This ends now. I am so proud of my girls (makes me sound like a madam when I say that! haha) and how far they've come. There is no way I am walking away and letting someone else take control.
So..I am channeling my inner Sarah Connor...and god help anyone who gets in my way on Sunday!!!

I've said it before and I'll say it again running a sports team (of any kind) is a full time job. There is so much that goes on behind the scenes and I'm amazed at times that people do it at all.
I guess if you have a strong support system that makes it a lot easier.
I've been holding the fort on my own recently which is maybe why I let things slide a bit an have found myself in somewhat of a sticky situation but you live and learn.

I'm stressed about my course too. Obviously passing my mock exams and formative assessment is a good indication of how I'm doing but I can't rely on that. So every spare minute I have I'm trying to revise and get as much knowledge in my head as I can. Thank god for you tube and they very cool videos other people make that make anatomy etc fun or at the very least understandable! Origins and insertions are messing with my mind and don't get me started on the sliding filament theory....oh boy, so much to learn in such a short space of time. It's going to fast too. I can't believe I start week 3 on Monday..where has the time gone??

Well, that's about all I can update for now.
Am waiting for my vegan sausages to cool down before I add them to my salad for lunch. Got some avacados the other day that are ready to eat (hooray!! I hate waiting for them to ripen..it's takes soooooo long!!)

I hope everyone has a great weekend!
xxxx

Part One (long story..but not!)

Have I really not blogged since the start of my course? Well, that gives you an indication of how hard I'm working.
I'm really enjoying the course (to be a Personal Trainer), can't believe it's week 2 already! Have met some really great people and some not so great but let's forget them for now.

In my first 2 weeks I've had two mock exams (passed both) and a formative assessment (passed that too) I have to have my offical assesment on Monday or Tuesday next week. Was SO stressed about it this morning, I honestly thought I was going to be sick haha drama queen!!
For our assessments we had to be put in pairs and act as a Personal Trainer to our 'client' - make sence?
We had to write out a session plan for our 'client' and our tutor would randomly select portions of the plan and we'd have to act it out.
I got some good feedback, oddly enough was told I didn't talk enough! I explained that I didn't want my tutor to think I was pissing about or not taking it seriously. Main thing is..I passed! You have to pass before you can take the offical assessment.

Gahhh...have been trying to write this blog for a few days now and I have to leave.....ok...part 2 coming soon!!!

It's Happening!!

Well well well...it's really happening.

My Personal Trainer course starts tomorrow..eeeeeek!! I must admit I'm not that nervous, although ask me that tonight when I'm tucked up in bed and I might have a different answer.


I created my own Facebook page called Ultimate Moxie I'm sure some people see it as a massive ego trip but it really isn't. I realised that my personal weight loss story is interesting to some people, as they always ask me about it..how did I do it? , was it easy? etc and there are so many tips and recipes I can give to people.

I guess I just like the idea of helping people acheive their weight loss and health goals.
I post all kinds of stuff on the Ultimate Moxie page, recipes, photos motivation etc and so far I'm getting a great response from it. :)I just hope that as my own knowledge grows I'll be able to help more people.




I've been giving a lot of thought into what I want to do after the course. In terms of who I want to work with, classes I might teach and how I'm going to make a career out of health and fitness.
Once I'm qualified there will be so many paths available to me, it's really quite exciting!
I've kinda fallen in love with Dynamic Yoga recently and
the more I do it the more I think I'd like to one day teach a
Dynamic Yoga class, or maybe a Yoga with weights class...but that's all far far away in a future not yet decided.


In other news, my Roller Derby team had a Fresh Meat session this weekend and as usual it was a blast! I LOVE newbies :) They are always so enthusiastic and ready to give it their all, which is all I can ever ask for as a coach and a player (playa! haha *cough...sorry, moving on)
So we've invited the newbies to come to a proper session and see how they get on. I have no doubts that they'll  love it.


Well, that's all I can update on for the moment...catch you on the flip side mofos! ;)

xoxoxox

Dissapointing Vegans

There seems to be a trend lately of people giving up on veganism. It's really dissapointing :(

I don't give a crap what anyone else eats, it's your body not mine. However I've been following certain blogs for a while now and at least 2 of them have started not just eating dairy but meat too! Under the idea of 'listening to your body' basically saying if your body craves meat then it's ok to eat it.
I'm begining to think the people didn't really grasp what veganism is in the first place. I mean come on now..what the fuck?!

Personally I don't buy into the veganism for health idea, veganism is no more healthy than a balanced omnivore diet. For me being vegan is an ethical choice, always has been and always will be!
How these people can believe so strongly in the cause and then turn their backs to the suffering they know is happening is just so dissapointing. So it's ok for an animal to suffer and die in misery so you can enjoy some chicken wings after training..what a crock!

I read recently that Natalie Portman and Zooey Deschanel have turned their backs on veganism too. Was gutted to read that Natalie Portman gave up on veganism since she became pregnant, which promotes the myth that it's unhealthy and considering the campaigning Natalie has done over the years for PETA (a company for another blog post!) it's just a giant slap in the face.

I guess I just don't get it. I've only been vegan for just over a year but I can't imagine ever going back to eating dairy let alone meat. I'm not out to make everyone in the world vegan, far from it. It has to be a choice and you have to make it for yourself.

There is a lot more I could say on this subject but I'm having a hell of a long day & the headache that turned into a migrane on Sunday night is still kinda lingering so I'm going to leave that here....for now.

It's raining it's pouring...

I love the rain. Call me a goth if you will but I've never been a fan of the summer, more of autumn/winter kinda gal. I love how the rain sounds & feels. I like to have music when I go running but when it rains, that's my cue to leave my mp3 player at home. It's a totaly different experience.

So, I got soaked..

So did my dog (forgot to take a pic - but trust me, that was one soggy doggy!) Was totaly worth it though, I felt great for the rest of the day. I should really start timing my runs (oh the jokes!) but when I started going running I didn't want any pressure, think I was under the impression it would make it easier - ha!

Promised myself I'd have a go at making a Green Monster shake one day this week, I'm not really a fan of shakes or smoothies but so many people are raving about them that I have decided to be a sheep & try one out. We'll see ;)

This is a short post as aside from a bit of study & some old episodes of The Apprentice I didn't do much else. Also, as I write this my husband is asleep next to me & I don't want me hammering away on the keyboard to wake him up.

Good night internet
xxxx

Studying!!

My brain is buzzing with so much information. I've started my pre-learning study for the Personal Trainer Course. I've managed to get myself onto the August course so I only have 2 weeks to prepare!!
It's been kinda fun though, I think because I'm actually interested in what I'm studying it doesn't feel like a chore.

I have no other news really. I went to see Captain America last night and really enjoyed it. I really didn't expect to like it as much as I did. Didn't get back hom till after midnight and didn't get to bed till gone 1am so I had a cheeky lie in this morning (which I havn't done since I was made redundant, was determined to keep getting up at a resonable hour) so that was nice.

 The weather has been so hot recently it's made running hard but I'm determined to keep it up. I've already noticed an improvement in my stamina. It's funny how I hate the first 10mins or so but then I really get into the swing of it. This kind of weather makes me want to swim! When am I going to win the lottery so I can have a pool??? :)

xxx

A Step in the Right Direction

Sooooo..it's been a while eh?
So much has happened it's hard to know where to start.

Well, let's start with this. I made a decision about my future and my decision was this : I'm going to become a Personal Trainer! Yeah, that's right...ME a personal trainer.

I'd been thinking about it for a while but had no idea how to even get the first step on the ladder for something like that. So I did a bit of research and I found a course that I've applied for. It's a 6 week full time intensive course that by the end will qualify me as a PT (personal trainer - just saves me having to re-type that every time)
It's very exciting, I'll have to learn about anatomy and nutrition etc but I am super keen and I KNOW this is something I'd be good at. let's face it, I lost a lot of weight on my own and did it the sensible way, so I know what I'm talking about. Plus, since I've started coaching my roller derby team I've discovered this whole other side to myself that I didn't know I had.
There is so much I can do with the qualification too. My plan is to work for a gym for about 6months to a year and then hopefully i'll have built up a client base so I can step out on my own.. Am hoping to set up some evening classes too. I can maybe even specialise in something..like antenatal health and fitness or disablity or rehabilitation of an injury.

This is a pretty big deal for me, not even couting the fact that I'm a former fatty and if you'd asked me a few years ago if I'd ever consider a career in health and fitness I'd have laughed in your face! BUT this is a career too...a career...never thought I'd have one of those. I have quite happy bimbling along doing basic shop jobs, almost hoping that something better would just happen to me. Never considered actually making something happen for myself!

I just know this is the right thing for me to do...or at least I hope so - ignore that IT IS the right thing for me.
I register this Friday and so will hopefully find out if there is a space left on the August course or if I have to wait till September. Eeeeeeeek! Am so excited.
 This is only the begining.

xxxx

Moan bloody moan

Well, where to begin.

The vegan baking demonstrations at the Food Festival went really well. I was a little bit nervous but as soon as I started speaking my nerves melted away & I just got on with it. EVERYONE loved the cakes and lots of people took my recipe/vegan info flyers. Some people asked questions..some about the baking, some about being vegan and even one guy asked if I missed bacon sandwiches (I don't).
So I was really pleased with how it went but later in the evening I was struck down (how dramatic) by a migrane. I'm never sure what brings them on and luckily I maybe get 1 a year but when a do boy are they a wopper!
Not only did it last all night but I had a migrane 'hangover' for the next 2 days. It was horrible and the worst part is there is nothing that seems to help. I just have to lie in the dark and try my best to sleep it off which is damn near impossible. So lame.

In other news, I started a cleaning job this week. It's both good & bad...it's only an hour a day (but I have to make up an extra 45mins over the 6 days I work) which is fine but not really earning enough to relax a bit from, if that makes sense plus I won't get paid for 5 weeks!!! ugh, it's such a boring tale I can't be bothered to blog about it. Point is I have to wait 5weeks to get paid & only doing 6.75hrs a week means I'm not exactly going to be rolling in cash by the time I get paid.

So, with this in mind, I've been feeling a little bit down about being out of work & having no money. Every day I keep hoping I'll get some good news but every day..it doesn't happen. Which brings me to todays tale of woe.
I almost had the opportunity to Bout next weekend. I've been training since November and I've scrimmaged quite a few times & I feel totaly confident about doing it but wanted to check with my co-director because I really value her opinion & wanted to hear her thoughts.
.....she basically said I'm not quite there yet. I'm not ashamed (or maybe I am) to admit that I got upset. I could tell he wanted to say oh go on then, but I didn't want to guilt her into it. I wanted her to say yes! go for it, but that didn't happen.
I know I'm not far off from the bouting stage but it's so frustrating. I think I just wanted something good to happen, something I could look forward to.

When it comes to roller derby I love it...like REALLY love it, even more so I really love coaching the team and if I'm honest I'm starting to feel like even that is being taken away from me. Which is almost more upsetting because I know I'm good at it.
We've had a hockey coach get involved with our team and while I know we'd be fools to have turned down his offer for helping coach, I can't help but feel a little usurped. I feel like we only have 2 hours to train a week and he takes up valuable time. It's all useful stuff he's teaching us but it's not derby. I'm so aware as I write this that I would so selfish and petulant but I can't help but just feel a little redundant sometimes.
So today when I was feeling a bit down about my unemployed status, having a cleaning job that is barely paying me anything and the one thing that could have cheered me up...well, just wasn't on the cards.
I hate feeling so bloody useless. Like I'm no good at anything..can't get a job, not good enough to bout, I feel like I'm a good coach but ..pah! I'm so fed up I don't even want to finish this sentence.

Oh it's all a bit moany moany isn't it?
I've been trying so hard to stay positive in the face of all the bad situations but my patience is wearing a bit thin.
I just need something good to happen...I know it will, eventually but sooner rather than later would be good.
I don't like to leave things on a down note on here so I'll leave this with a great quote I saw today.

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot"

Says it all really.

Night xxx

A work in progress

Wow..so much to update.

First things first...the town I live in is hosting a Food Festival this weekend and I was offered the chance to have a vegan baked goods stall. I was so excited about it but as I started planning I realised that I just didn't have the time to get everything sorted. It's dissapointing because I'd love to do it, but I just don't have the time & it was stressing me out BIG TIME.
So, instead of having a stall I'm doing 2 vegan baking demos...on a stage...with a microphone and everything!!
Am quite excited about it.

I'm also planning on attending a Mixed Martial Arts class tomorrow evening. I've wanted to have a go at kickboxing etc for a while but didn't know anywhere that did it. Turns out there are some classes just up the road from my house (who knew?!)  so I'm going to give it a go, the first lesson is free so I can't argue with that. Will no doubt blog about it.

I'm still unemployed...and it sucks! It was part of the reason I wanted to do the stall at the festival, earn some cash. I really thought I'd have something by now..even if it wa a cleaning job. I hate being out of work. I have so many plans for when I have some regular money coming in. I've been thinking a lot about getting some kind of sports and fitness qualification. At the back of my mind I keep thinking I'd like to be a personal trainer or something like that. I LOVE coaching my roller derby team, it's so rewarding, but I don't get paid for doing that :( if only I did...I would be one happy skater.

Well, I've got to get back to the job hunt...I need money and something to do!!
Wish me luck..

xoxox

Can cake really make everything better?

So, I didn't get the job.
I was really quite upset, but 2 LARGE glasses of wine helped to ease the pain. The woman who called me to let me know how the 2nd interview went said that it was nothing personal and if there were 2 jobs she would give it to me (pah! whatever) BUT I had no previous charity experience & would be in charge of a lot of people, something I'm not used to (but was willing to do) UGH...must move on.

So this morning, I anticipated that I would feel crap so first thing I did was exercise. I finished day 7,level 2 of the 30 Day Shred then went straight onto No More Trouble Zones...was glad I did it, although I thought it was going to melt - the wether was hot yet rainy. Perfect weather for.....a storm!! Which kicked in not long after I finished my workout.
I did some washing, cleaned the kitchen, did a lot of job hunting (back on the horse as they say) and baked a cake.

 Was pretty sure i'd screwed up the frosting...I'm not ashamed to say I shed a few tears when I thought I had. The damned stuff was a bit too watery, I was sure it wouldn't 'set'.

But hey-presto! after some time in the fridge..it was fine & actually tasted pretty good. I used a new recipe I found online..not my usual triple chocolate cake recipe.

After cake, I went back to job hunting. So depressing...I need to find something..anything ...soon. I know I will but am feeling kinda defeated today.
Onwards and upwards as someone said, and as my Dad would say 'Don't let the bastards get you down' so it's with steely resolve that I carry on the job hunt....and probably a bit more cake.

xoxox

MUST stay out of the kitchen during times of stress...

I'm due to find out if I got the job I've interviewed for tomorrow. I am obviously worried & or stressed about it because today I am not (totaly am) ashamed to say I've not stopped eating ALL day! I haven't eaten this much in so long..it's out of control people!
Let's review:

Breakfast - 1 slice of homemade cherry pie
AND a peanut butter & jam sandwich         
It's worth mentioning that I had a 3 hr derby practice today, I'd normally eat a big bowl of porridge....but not today.

Skipped lunch as I was at training but the pie & sandwich from earlier helped me stay full BUT when I got back home after practice I ate the following:

1 HUGE bowl of homemade vegan chili with rice
half a garlic baguette
a second slice of pie with a scoop of ice cream
THEN
lots of mint chocolate
a bag of crisps
a 3rd slice of pie (I can see a pattern forming..can you?)

I would normally never dream of eating that much. It amazes me how I used to eat that much and more on a daily basis when I was a big fat fatty....oh yea, but that's another post for another time.
Point is....I'm stress eating. It's just as well I did 3 hrs of skating today or I'd be feeling a whole lot worse!

I really want this job, I'll be pretty gutted if I don't get it but am trying my best to stay positive. I'm also in a fair amount of ..yup you guessed it..neck pain.
It never seems to bother me when I'm training but straight after it aches like a mother! So am full of painkillers. Going to have an early night with a movie in bed & a herbal tea.
Fingers crossed for tomorrow...........................................and I MUST stay out of the kitchen for the rest of the night.

xoxox

It's all about cherry pie..

I make the best goddamn cherry pie....no really, I do!

Now, I know it may not be the best looking pie..I'll give you that BUT it tastes amazing and of course it's vegan and nothing goes better with cherry pie than a scoop of ice cream. I chose the raspberry flavour of Swedish Glace one of the best vegan ice creams out there and just a squeeze of some dark chocolate sauce.

I have decided to share with you lot out there...if indeed anyone does read this, which I doubt but it's a great sweet shortcrust pastry & so simple to make. So here you are :

Vegan Sweet Shortcrust Pastry Recipe

125g/4½oz Plain Flour 

55g/2oz icing sugar

55g/2oz soya margarine

Sift the flour and icing sugar into a large bowl and add the soya margarine.

Use your fingertips to rub the fat into the flour until you have a mixture that resembles coarse breadcrumbs with no large lumps of margarine remaining. Try to work quickly so that it doesn't become greasy.

Bring the mixture together to form a dough, adding extra flour if the mixture is too wet, or some water if too dry, a teaspoon at a time.

Wrap the dough in cling-film and chill for 10-15 minutes before using.

See? simple and so tasty!

I remove the stones from the cherries, sprinkle sugar over them & then pop them in a pan on the hob, medium heat & wait till he cherries have softened & the sugar has melted creating a lovely sweet syrup. This is your pie filling..lovely :)

Whack it in the oven at around 150-180degrees & bake for 25-30mins then hey presto - a delicious cherry pie baked with your own loving hands.
* serving suggestion : have it Twin Peaks style & enjoy a slice of pie with a nice hot cup of coffee.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

I think I'm becoming Jillian Michaels bitch! I've been doing her 30 Day Shred DVD. You do 10 days at level 1, 10 days at level 2 and then 10 days at level 3..I'm on day 4 of Level 2 and I'm still loving it!!
I even got a copy of her NO More Trouble Zones and managed to complete it in one go, it was tough but I was proud of completing it.
I feel like since I've been out of work I've been trying to stay positive & exercise has been a huge help. I feel so proud of myself after completing a workout. When I lost a lot of weight a few years ago I was exercising by walking so I never toned up..but I feel like while I have all this free time to myself I should use it wisely. Let's face it when we work it's so easy to make excuses to not exercise..too tired, not enough time etc

I've been calorie couting, like I used to. I write everything I eat & drink down in my food journal & I've really been trying to keep my calories maximum at 1500 a day. Some days I go over, some days under but to be honest I know that my real problem lies with the keeping active not so much my eating, so if i go over I'm not over the moon about it but I really try not to beat myself up over it.

Soooo, I had my 2nd interview for the job I want. I had to spend 2 hours in the ***** shop & see how the back office runs etc It went really well but I'm not going to find out if I got the job or not till Monday-ish. I hate the waiting..but I guess I should look at it as teaching me to be patient for the things I want. That's SO not me! My god..am I growing up?!

xoxox

Positivity

Ok , so I've just completed day 6 of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred & I'm LOVING it!!!
I've found that the workout is getting a little bit easier each day but not only that the workout seems to fly by now..I feel like even though I'm sweaty and breathing hard..i ould carry on for a bit longer. Am sure I'll change me mind about that come day 1 of level 2. I skipped ahead yesterday after my workout just to see what level 2 was like.....I'm scared!! haha

The 30 Day Shred has been so enjoyable so far that it's really made me have a serious think about Open University courses etc
Being the coach for my roller derby team is a big deal for me and I'd rerally like to have some proper sports, health and fitness knowledge behind me. I'd like to make our warm ups even better than they already are.
Courses and training is expensive though :( It kills me whenever I think about the skating coach course I was booked to go on that got cancelled earlier this year. I really hope they organise it for another time.

I think for now I'll just try to educate myself on health and fitness as much as I can. There is a lot of conflicting advice out there so I'll need to find the best possible resources and try to study it as much as possible.

I havn't done much crafting recently, although I have crocheted two hats since I was made redundant. Have spent every day looking for work and I have an interview this .(fingers crossed!!) Job hunting is pretty soul destroying, my lovely husband keeps telling me that not getting an interview is no reflection on me and i've only been out of work for 10 days but..I hate it. I hate knowing that I'm not getting paid at the end of the month, I miss the books, I miss getting out of the house every day.
I just have to remain positive and KNOW that I will get a job soon and hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."  ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995

xxxxx 

30 Day Shred

Well bugger me..I found my mojo!
I don't know if it's a reaction to being out of work and now having a lot of time on my hands but I've been a lot more active and have started writing down what I'm eating again.
I also started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred and I LOVE IT!! I'm only on day 2 of level 1 but hey, we all have to start somewhere..and I really want to lose the half a stone (7lbs) I've gained recently.

My muscles ache..and I mean EVERY muscle in my body, how I'm going to cope with a 3 hour roller derby session tomorrow I really don't know..and I have to work in the shred on top of that too - madness!!
I really hope I stick with it, I feel so good after doing the DVD.

So, last night I hooked up with a girl I've only met once but she had a spare ticket to see Dylan Moran, the highly amusing Irish comedian :) So we hooked up and went together.
I normally feel a bit anxious when meeting up with someone I don't know very well (hell, who am I kidding it happens with people I know really well too) but it didn't happen. The girl is an alternative model and as it turns out we know A LOT of the same people & local (ish) bands. I had a great night, only had 3 drinks and managed to work them into my calorie allowance for the day :)
Have made plans to meet up for a drink again sometime soon.

Today has been great so far except my neck is still giving me problems. I had my first session of physio last week and by god it was BRUTAL. The woman who I saw gave me some exercises to do and she told me she wasn't concerned, no nerve damage blah blah blah BUT I've been in a fair amount of pain today, since I woke up. I also forgot to pick up my perscription today so if I get any sleep tonight it will be a miracle!
I havn't taken any painkillers for my neck is quite a while but I'm very tempted to tonight.

xxxxx

Short but sweet

Sunday is Roller Derby training day for me....and as far as I'm concerned Derby is the ONLY reason to get out of bed early on Sunday - can I get an amen?!

We had a guest hockey coach go through a few hockey drills with us and it was really good fun. It didn't leave us with a lot of time afterwards so we went straight onto some scrimmaging goodness. Our girls are ROCK HARD! I am so impressed and proud of each and every one of them.
There was some excellent agressive skating going on, every week their confidence grows and it's really great to see. There are times when I notice that my own skating skills are falling behind because I've been coaching but when I see how far our girls have come along in the last couple of months I know it's been worth it.
My moment will come...as someone from the Derby world once quoted (she always seems to say what I need to hear)
"Never let anyone discourage you about how great you're becoming! There's nothing about a caterpillar that says I'm about to be a butterfly!" 

Had a HUGE bowl of vegan chili and was naughty and may have eaten a few too many tortilla chips with it...but c'mon..what is chili without tortilla chips? a bit bloody dull! But I didn't eat as many as I used to and technically they weren't Doritos (I'm a recovering Doritos addict - 2months clean) so i don't feel too guilty about it.

The rest of my evening includes some crochet (it's the new rock 'n roll) and possibly a movie a bit later. I can't quite believe it's 8pm already! Today has gone so quickly...amd so glad there's a bank holiday tomorrow....ahhh I lie in awaits :)

Until I write again.....
xxxx

Another day another blog

mmmm black coffee & doughnuts, it really is the breakfast of champions!

I got up pretty late this morning *cough it was practically the afternoon. However I had a terrible nights sleep the night before so I'm giving myself permission to have a lie in.

Lots of stuff happening at the moment. I'm losing my job, which is heartbreaking to me. I really do love working in a book shop and especially an independant one, sure we get plenty of annoying customers who just love to tell us how much of a better deal they get at bigger comercial store like Waterstones & WH Smiths but as many of our good customers have been saying, they'll miss us when we're gone.
I've had some really lovely comments from customers saying how much they're going to miss our shop & how it wasn't just the stock but the friendly knowledgeable staff (that's me!) I'm going to be so upset on my last day, which is coming up pretty soon :(

I've only had one interview for a new job and believe me when I say it would be perfect! The hours suit me down to the ground & the offices are litterally a 2min walk from my house. It's almost a little too good to be true, am waiting to hear if I get a second interview next week...so fingers crossed!

Onto other news:

My roller derby team are going well. We've been going now for 6 months and every month we have a long waiting lost of girls who want to try out for the team.
I'm really not kidding when I say that roller derby has changed my life. The opportunities I've been given through it are amazing. I am so proud to call myself a director AND coach!! Yeah me..a sports coach haha
I was due to go on a coaching course earlier this month which got cancelled (yet another shitty thing to happen - i'v had a horrible couple of months) and it would have meant that if i passed I would have been a qualified skating coach. Am really hoping that the course gets going again soon! So keep your fingers crossed for that please!

So, it's a bank holiday weekend!
I have no plans whatsoever...but I kinda like that, I'm free to do whatever.
I went for a run with the dog yesterday, and did 30mins of my exercise bike, I think I may have found my mojo! It went missing a few months ago and I gained 7lbs -lame!! but it's all down to bad habits so I should be able to lose them again....friggin' hope so.

While I'd love to not beat myself up over some weight gain (a really small numbered to what I've lost overall too) BUT when your clothes are getting too tight to be comfortable then somethings gotta give..and it's not going to be the button on my jeans!!
So, I'm back to writing down everything I eat and trying to some exercise every day...I can do this.

Am going to get a bit of crafty goodness done (crochet time!!) then take the woofer out for a walk and then maybe a trip to the talkies! :)

bye all xxxx

Big Bad Wolf

Well, it's been about 3 weeks since I woke up nearly paralysed from a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder & I'm still not 100% better and i've still not had any physio!!

Whilst I'm not in much pain anymore, my neck is still very stiff, especially first thing in the morning, sleeping is a big issue too. I can't seem to get comfortable and am waking up throughout the night :(

BUT that's nothing compared to the stress and anxiety I've felt for the past 7 days. It's hard not to get paranoid about who (if anyone) reads your blog but I want to be as honest as possible, otherwise what's the point of a blog. Right?

It's too long and frankly too boring to really get into on here but suffice to say someone sent a message to a few people including myself and I felt that was inappropriate & said I would email this girl back in a private email. I don't think it's fair to bring other people into a conversation when it's really not necessary. This girl wouldn't accept that and so long story short - it all kicked off! She kept re-posting messages in this one giant thread, spreading negativity and whilst I remaineed professional for a couple of days, I think by day 3 of not sleeping, crying and anxiety stomach aches, I cracked.
I became the big bad wolf...I said things in anger (which I totaly stand by, I regret none of it) 
I can only be pushed so far. It's so frustrating to be criticized by somebody who hasn't seen for themselves how well something is working. This must seem a bit crypic but to be honest the whole story is so boring and convoluted that I don't have the energy to explain the situation.

I haven't felt this bad/stressed/anxious in years really and I hate that someone has that power over me. Or had I should say.
One day I will look back on this week and laugh, I will have learned from it...I can't believe that the stress this has caused me ( and a couple of other girls) may have caused my neck to be worse and may well have caused the rash that has developed over the past few days. This bitch is trying to kill me...that or old age is. Since I turned 30 I've had more things go wrong with me than ever have before. I'm falling apart body part by body part.

Must make a Doc appointment in the morning.

Apart from the shitty week & painful/stiff neck ...the weather recently has been so hot recently. I don't really do hot/sunny..the goth in me repels it..but I made myself get out in that sunshine, vitamin D right?
I keep promising myself I'll go for a run in the evenings when it cools down but I still havn't done it and I've been eating like a horse recently - naughty! Must get off my arse and do something, but it's tough doing exercise with a dodgy neck. I was pretty much off my face on meds for two weeks and have only managed to skate once :(
I need that damned physio - I refuse to bitch about the NHS, we take it for granted. If you havn't, I reccomend that you watch Sicko the documentary about the difference between American/Canadian and UK health services...it really opened my eyes. Plus nurses & paramedics work their arses off for not a lot of money and work very long & unsociable hours, I don't know how they do it but I'm so glad they do.
But maaaaaan, someone needs to help my neck...and do something about this rash/itchyness. It's making me feel icky :(

Well, there have been far too many unhappy faces in this post :( so I'm going to mess about on the internet for a bit and then bed.

I keep promising myself tomorrow I'll have my mojo back & i'll be able to take on the world. It will happen...and then that fully grown woman who should know better will rue the fuckin' day!!!!
Our revenge will be sweet...and cold as hell.

Night all

xxxxx

What's your favourite scary movie?

Today, was a very important day..for months well about a year really I have been waiting.....for Scream4! It came out today & although my neck is killing me now (or at least it was - can you hear the rattle of the meds?) it was totaly worth it - I really enjoyed it. I would say if you liked the first 3 (and why wouldn't you?) You'll like it.
People give the Scream films and horror a bad rap and it's so undeserved. Yes there are some truly awful horror flicks out there but there are so many fantastic ones too..which really is the subject of another blog for some other time.

In other news (ha!) I had a lovely visit from my Mother-in-Law this afternoon. She brought me flowers (lillys) Green & Blacks 85% dark choc & a diet red bull. She knows my pain, she's had a trapped nerve before too and knows how miserable it can be.
Whilst I have a lot more movement in my neck today, it's felt more stiff than sore but I still had to take a couple pills when I got back from the cinema. I probably shouldn't have gobe but it's SCREAM4 people..sometimes you gotts risk the consequences.

p.s On the subject of Scream4 (YOU WILL FIND NO SPOILERS HERE...EVER!) I really liked Hayden Panettiere, I wasn't all that keen on her before. i loved the first season on Heroes but then I lost interest pretty quickly into season two & I'll admit I painted her with the annoying average teen girl. Hoping she'll get some better roles now.

I am soooooooo cold today, no idea why, it's really not that cold outside, well it's 11degrees now but I'm sure it was warmer earlier but i've been freezing all day. Maybe it's because i've not been eating that much recently. I've been alseep so often over the past two weeks i'm sleeping through lunch most days and havn't been snacking much recently, but I havn't lost any weight so ..gahhh I dunno..point is I'M FREEZING!!

I'm gonna have a cup of tea then toddle off to bed & read some more of my book.

Night x

Nurse! She's out of bed again

Well,here I am, day 3 of my week signed off. Am uncomfortable, bored & fed up. BUT, it has been nice to actually get a decent nights sleep (thank you modern medicine) but these meds I'm taking means I keep falling asleep, so I'm losing days, which is urreal to say the least.


I've been doing my best to keep up with Roller Derby Business, our website looks the shit! I can't wait for it to go live, fingers crossed it'll still happen by the end of this week. Next week at the latest.
I also have some very exciting news which I've not written about or even told anyone about yet..not sure why, I guess I just don't want to jinx it.

It's not even all that amazing but for me it's a really BIG deal. I'm booked onto a coaching course in May, it's over two weekends and if I pass ( which I'm going to try my hardest to do) I'll be a qualified skating coach..how cool is that?! It means that I can get paid to teach how to skate. Now obviously all this sort of stuff isn't going to happen over night but it's a start and I'm so excited about it. Am nervous as hell about it too..what if I fail? It costs a lot of money to do this course & i'll feel awful  if I don't pass. Am hoping my enthusiasm and passion for roller derby will get me through. Am so glad I'll be doing the course with the other Director of our Team, I am so lucky to have met her. She gives me the confidence to do what I kinda think I can do but she's there to give me that push.
So at least I won't be alone on the course...it's daunting but am sure it'll be a lot of fun too.

On a totaly unrlated topic, how GREAT are onion bagels? I mean, how have I lived on this planet for 30 years and never tried one? I've had plain bagels before, they're ok..nothing to get excited about. Then one day the supermarket ran out of brown pitta bread - can you imagine?! and I was stuck....what to dip in my hummus ( sometimes chopped veg just won't do) so I splashed out on some onion bagels. Am now jonesing for more..MORE! They're great..a little too more-ish though..much like my new addiction of slow roasted tomato hummus. It's borderline orgasmic..esp with an onion bagel.

How, can you tell I'm still on some strong meds..this blog is all over the place & is taking so long to write because I keep misspelling things and typing too fast creating gibberish etc

I've been dying to do some more crafting recently, I've been pretty lax about it, alhtough witha fucked up neck, theres not a lot I can do. I tried doing a bit of crochet the other day but my neck just couldn't hack it, never realised how much I look dow when I do it. I love crochet, but can really only makes, hats and leg/arm warmers. Love making hats though..so quick, so easy. I need to splash out on some new yar (yarn - being vegan means I won't use real wool only acrylic so calling it yarn - although an americanism, sounds better that saying wool coz then some smart arse will come out with the old.."but you're vegan" - blahhh)

Speaking of vegan..at some point i'll have to update this blog so I can put up some link to some awesome vegan blogs and some awesome roller derby blogs too...they are out there & they are good :)

so enough of my drugged up rambling...it's been real.
peace out

xxxxx

P.S as I previewed this blog I noticed that I really need to start adding some pics to these ramblings, don't you think? otherwise it's like really a bloody essay..and a farily boring one at that. Right..next time there will be photos!!

Ok ok..I lied

Ok so i promised that I would be a good blogger & make more of an effort to blog regularly, but so much has happened including having a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder (that I have bored everyone to tears talking about - including myself) and have been mega busy with Roller Derby related business.

Speaking of which, I am so proud of my girls. My derby team was born in November 2010 and despite a rocky start has gone on to become a real team and we're getting bigger & stronger every day. Each month we have a long waiting list of girl who want to try out. FRESH MEAT - woo hoo!
We've stepped up the training and the girls have responded well. I can feel their enthusiasm growing with each session and they are pulling out all the stops. I want us to be the best - and we will!
My husband (Mr Moxie) has been a busy bee and has knocked up a kick ass website for us, which I'm hoping will go live in the next week or so. It's been a long time coming but it'll be worth the wait!

I feel like lots of great things are happening for me at the moment and it's so exciting but a bit bloody scary too, I feel like finally after 30 years my life is starting to make sense..and it's about bloody time!!!
I just hope I don't let anyone down and this really can be the start of something that will change my life, again it sounds corny but Roller Derby has changed my life, I'm becoming a person I always knew I could be if given the chance and luckily I've found somone who saw some potential in me & gave me the freedom to try.

As for now though, I'm on so many strong meds that I'll be surprised if when I read this back tomorrow it makes any sense at all and is spelled correctly. Fingers crossed.

I've been signed off work for a week so who knows, if i'm not alseep due a drug induced haze then maybe i'll get a chance to blog a bit more & maybe..just maybe say something or worth.

Here's lookin' at you kid..

xxxx

OUCH!

I had decided to do a blog post or two this week but an unexpected injury has cocked that plan right up!

I slept quite badly on Saturday night, I have a history of insomnia but really I put it down to anxiety due to the fact that my Roller Derby team start training on Sundays now & as the team has been going for 5 months it was time to lay down the law & make the girls understand that we need a commitment etc So I had some announcements to make & I guess I was feeling a bit nervous about it.

So, I woke up Sunday morning  feeling very tired but also with a sore neck that I put down to sleeping funny. It was painful but manageable so I just got on with training as usual. However Sunday night I barely got any sleep as my neck had gotten so much worse during the night and by Monday morning - I couldn't move!

Ended up at the Doctors & turns out I have a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder. It was AGONY..I'm not ashamed to admit I cried it was so bad. The Doc gave me Diazepam & some anti-inflammatories which I was hoping would do the trick but alas they did nothing.
So, I had to back again today. I am now on mega painkillers & Diazepam which means I've spent the day pretty out of it, not exactly pain free but so much better than yesterday. I have an appointment with an Osteopath tomorrow too..which freaks me out a bit ( the whole idea of it makes me gag! bleugh) but I have to do something, when the painkillers wear off It's back to being in agony..no joke, it's so bad :(

I have to stop writing now..am lying down which makes typing a bit of an issue plus I just took another dose of medication & I'm feeling pretty loopy...
Will post again soon...

Night all x

Derby Derby Derby!

Well, what a weekend..the best part about it has been all the Roller Derby action!

But let's start with Friday shall we...

This Friday was Red Nose Day ..if you're not from the UK Comic Relief is a charity that relies on public donations to help support children in underprivileged countried but also does a lot of work for children in the UK too. Point is, every year we are encouraged to "do something funny for money" to help with their efforts to raise a lot of money. I havn't done anything to raise money since I was at school (too long ago to remember) so this year I wanted to get involved.

So, I wore my Roller Derby gear to work (including skates) and raised over £60!! Now, £60 may not sound like anything to get that excitied about, but when you hear that just £15 can pay for up to 40 babies to receive a course of malaria medicine it really puts that money into perspective.
I'm really glad I did my bit to help...also raised the profile of my Roller Derby team too which is always great!

Looking good right ?
I had so much fun wearing my skates at work..props to my boss who allowed me to do it! If only I could wear this to work every day *sigh

After a great day at work, I went round to a friends house for an early birthday celebration of dinner & lots of pink wine - yum! Had a delicious meal ( bless her, my friend was a little intimidated at cooking a vegan meal, don't know whym she did an excellent job!) and I provided some vegan chocolate cupcakes, my husband & I read her kids a bedtime story and then after a few too many glasses of wine, my husband & I made our way home.

Saturday was the day of the London Rockin' Rollers Bout...what a game! The Tiger Bay Brawlers put up a great fight but the Rockin' Rollers pipped them to the post 112-73 and in the 2nd game of the day The Rockin' Rollers crushed the Leeds Roller Dolls 172-31, but those Dolls were still great, they put on a good show.

Will post some pics from the bout a little later (hopefully today)

Today, I've been getting my craft on while the Glasgow Roller Girls play against Central City Roller Girls on Roller Derby UK tv I love that site, they stream love Dery bouts in the UK pretty much every weekend. If there's a bout..those guys are there! It's a really good quality streaming site too, very few interuptions. I'd highly recommend if you like your derby that you check them out.

Am currently waiting for my husband to get home so I can get dinner on...was super hungry earlier & thought to myself, I'll just have a wee snack to tide me over - I ended up having a bit of a binge on hummus & pitta bread - oops!

well....my crochet won't finish itself ..if only it could ;)

xxxx

I'm baaaaaack!

For how long? I don't know.

About a month ago I deleted all my old posts. I started blogging around September 2010 and did is so sporadically that after a few months of not writing anything I became fed up with the whole thing and deleted the lot!

Looking back, I'm kinda glad I did. It's time to take a deep breath & start again.
Am going to try my hardest to blog as often as I can and to not sweat the little things.

I've been battling a sore throat, hacking cough and low mood today so will keep things short otherwise I'll end up spiraling into a 'woe is me' pity party and NO ONE needs to read about that!
So, my plans for the evening are to stay wrapped up, plenty of hot drinks and induldge in just one or two (who am I kidding?!) of these lovely Divine 70% Dark Chocolate Eggs....yum!

Good night!