Monday, 25 April 2011

Big Bad Wolf

Well, it's been about 3 weeks since I woke up nearly paralysed from a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder & I'm still not 100% better and i've still not had any physio!!

Whilst I'm not in much pain anymore, my neck is still very stiff, especially first thing in the morning, sleeping is a big issue too. I can't seem to get comfortable and am waking up throughout the night :(

BUT that's nothing compared to the stress and anxiety I've felt for the past 7 days. It's hard not to get paranoid about who (if anyone) reads your blog but I want to be as honest as possible, otherwise what's the point of a blog. Right?

It's too long and frankly too boring to really get into on here but suffice to say someone sent a message to a few people including myself and I felt that was inappropriate & said I would email this girl back in a private email. I don't think it's fair to bring other people into a conversation when it's really not necessary. This girl wouldn't accept that and so long story short - it all kicked off! She kept re-posting messages in this one giant thread, spreading negativity and whilst I remaineed professional for a couple of days, I think by day 3 of not sleeping, crying and anxiety stomach aches, I cracked.
I became the big bad wolf...I said things in anger (which I totaly stand by, I regret none of it) 
I can only be pushed so far. It's so frustrating to be criticized by somebody who hasn't seen for themselves how well something is working. This must seem a bit crypic but to be honest the whole story is so boring and convoluted that I don't have the energy to explain the situation.

I haven't felt this bad/stressed/anxious in years really and I hate that someone has that power over me. Or had I should say.
One day I will look back on this week and laugh, I will have learned from it...I can't believe that the stress this has caused me ( and a couple of other girls) may have caused my neck to be worse and may well have caused the rash that has developed over the past few days. This bitch is trying to kill me...that or old age is. Since I turned 30 I've had more things go wrong with me than ever have before. I'm falling apart body part by body part.

Must make a Doc appointment in the morning.

Apart from the shitty week & painful/stiff neck ...the weather recently has been so hot recently. I don't really do hot/sunny..the goth in me repels it..but I made myself get out in that sunshine, vitamin D right?
I keep promising myself I'll go for a run in the evenings when it cools down but I still havn't done it and I've been eating like a horse recently - naughty! Must get off my arse and do something, but it's tough doing exercise with a dodgy neck. I was pretty much off my face on meds for two weeks and have only managed to skate once :(
I need that damned physio - I refuse to bitch about the NHS, we take it for granted. If you havn't, I reccomend that you watch Sicko the documentary about the difference between American/Canadian and UK health really opened my eyes. Plus nurses & paramedics work their arses off for not a lot of money and work very long & unsociable hours, I don't know how they do it but I'm so glad they do.
But maaaaaan, someone needs to help my neck...and do something about this rash/itchyness. It's making me feel icky :(

Well, there have been far too many unhappy faces in this post :( so I'm going to mess about on the internet for a bit and then bed.

I keep promising myself tomorrow I'll have my mojo back & i'll be able to take on the world. It will happen...and then that fully grown woman who should know better will rue the fuckin' day!!!!
Our revenge will be sweet...and cold as hell.

Night all


Friday, 15 April 2011

What's your favourite scary movie?

Today, was a very important day..for months well about a year really I have been waiting.....for Scream4! It came out today & although my neck is killing me now (or at least it was - can you hear the rattle of the meds?) it was totaly worth it - I really enjoyed it. I would say if you liked the first 3 (and why wouldn't you?) You'll like it.
People give the Scream films and horror a bad rap and it's so undeserved. Yes there are some truly awful horror flicks out there but there are so many fantastic ones too..which really is the subject of another blog for some other time.

In other news (ha!) I had a lovely visit from my Mother-in-Law this afternoon. She brought me flowers (lillys) Green & Blacks 85% dark choc & a diet red bull. She knows my pain, she's had a trapped nerve before too and knows how miserable it can be.
Whilst I have a lot more movement in my neck today, it's felt more stiff than sore but I still had to take a couple pills when I got back from the cinema. I probably shouldn't have gobe but it's SCREAM4 people..sometimes you gotts risk the consequences.

p.s On the subject of Scream4 (YOU WILL FIND NO SPOILERS HERE...EVER!) I really liked Hayden Panettiere, I wasn't all that keen on her before. i loved the first season on Heroes but then I lost interest pretty quickly into season two & I'll admit I painted her with the annoying average teen girl. Hoping she'll get some better roles now.

I am soooooooo cold today, no idea why, it's really not that cold outside, well it's 11degrees now but I'm sure it was warmer earlier but i've been freezing all day. Maybe it's because i've not been eating that much recently. I've been alseep so often over the past two weeks i'm sleeping through lunch most days and havn't been snacking much recently, but I havn't lost any weight so ..gahhh I dunno..point is I'M FREEZING!!

I'm gonna have a cup of tea then toddle off to bed & read some more of my book.

Night x

Wednesday, 13 April 2011

Nurse! She's out of bed again

Well,here I am, day 3 of my week signed off. Am uncomfortable, bored & fed up. BUT, it has been nice to actually get a decent nights sleep (thank you modern medicine) but these meds I'm taking means I keep falling asleep, so I'm losing days, which is urreal to say the least.

I've been doing my best to keep up with Roller Derby Business, our website looks the shit! I can't wait for it to go live, fingers crossed it'll still happen by the end of this week. Next week at the latest.
I also have some very exciting news which I've not written about or even told anyone about yet..not sure why, I guess I just don't want to jinx it.

It's not even all that amazing but for me it's a really BIG deal. I'm booked onto a coaching course in May, it's over two weekends and if I pass ( which I'm going to try my hardest to do) I'll be a qualified skating cool is that?! It means that I can get paid to teach how to skate. Now obviously all this sort of stuff isn't going to happen over night but it's a start and I'm so excited about it. Am nervous as hell about it too..what if I fail? It costs a lot of money to do this course & i'll feel awful  if I don't pass. Am hoping my enthusiasm and passion for roller derby will get me through. Am so glad I'll be doing the course with the other Director of our Team, I am so lucky to have met her. She gives me the confidence to do what I kinda think I can do but she's there to give me that push.
So at least I won't be alone on the's daunting but am sure it'll be a lot of fun too.

On a totaly unrlated topic, how GREAT are onion bagels? I mean, how have I lived on this planet for 30 years and never tried one? I've had plain bagels before, they're ok..nothing to get excited about. Then one day the supermarket ran out of brown pitta bread - can you imagine?! and I was stuck....what to dip in my hummus ( sometimes chopped veg just won't do) so I splashed out on some onion bagels. Am now jonesing for more..MORE! They're great..a little too more-ish though..much like my new addiction of slow roasted tomato hummus. It's borderline orgasmic..esp with an onion bagel.

How, can you tell I'm still on some strong meds..this blog is all over the place & is taking so long to write because I keep misspelling things and typing too fast creating gibberish etc

I've been dying to do some more crafting recently, I've been pretty lax about it, alhtough witha fucked up neck, theres not a lot I can do. I tried doing a bit of crochet the other day but my neck just couldn't hack it, never realised how much I look dow when I do it. I love crochet, but can really only makes, hats and leg/arm warmers. Love making hats quick, so easy. I need to splash out on some new yar (yarn - being vegan means I won't use real wool only acrylic so calling it yarn - although an americanism, sounds better that saying wool coz then some smart arse will come out with the old.."but you're vegan" - blahhh)

Speaking of some point i'll have to update this blog so I can put up some link to some awesome vegan blogs and some awesome roller derby blogs too...they are out there & they are good :)

so enough of my drugged up's been real.
peace out


P.S as I previewed this blog I noticed that I really need to start adding some pics to these ramblings, don't you think? otherwise it's like really a bloody essay..and a farily boring one at that. time there will be photos!!

Monday, 11 April 2011

Ok ok..I lied

Ok so i promised that I would be a good blogger & make more of an effort to blog regularly, but so much has happened including having a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder (that I have bored everyone to tears talking about - including myself) and have been mega busy with Roller Derby related business.

Speaking of which, I am so proud of my girls. My derby team was born in November 2010 and despite a rocky start has gone on to become a real team and we're getting bigger & stronger every day. Each month we have a long waiting list of girl who want to try out. FRESH MEAT - woo hoo!
We've stepped up the training and the girls have responded well. I can feel their enthusiasm growing with each session and they are pulling out all the stops. I want us to be the best - and we will!
My husband (Mr Moxie) has been a busy bee and has knocked up a kick ass website for us, which I'm hoping will go live in the next week or so. It's been a long time coming but it'll be worth the wait!

I feel like lots of great things are happening for me at the moment and it's so exciting but a bit bloody scary too, I feel like finally after 30 years my life is starting to make sense..and it's about bloody time!!!
I just hope I don't let anyone down and this really can be the start of something that will change my life, again it sounds corny but Roller Derby has changed my life, I'm becoming a person I always knew I could be if given the chance and luckily I've found somone who saw some potential in me & gave me the freedom to try.

As for now though, I'm on so many strong meds that I'll be surprised if when I read this back tomorrow it makes any sense at all and is spelled correctly. Fingers crossed.

I've been signed off work for a week so who knows, if i'm not alseep due a drug induced haze then maybe i'll get a chance to blog a bit more & maybe..just maybe say something or worth.

Here's lookin' at you kid..


Tuesday, 5 April 2011


I had decided to do a blog post or two this week but an unexpected injury has cocked that plan right up!

I slept quite badly on Saturday night, I have a history of insomnia but really I put it down to anxiety due to the fact that my Roller Derby team start training on Sundays now & as the team has been going for 5 months it was time to lay down the law & make the girls understand that we need a commitment etc So I had some announcements to make & I guess I was feeling a bit nervous about it.

So, I woke up Sunday morning  feeling very tired but also with a sore neck that I put down to sleeping funny. It was painful but manageable so I just got on with training as usual. However Sunday night I barely got any sleep as my neck had gotten so much worse during the night and by Monday morning - I couldn't move!

Ended up at the Doctors & turns out I have a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder. It was AGONY..I'm not ashamed to admit I cried it was so bad. The Doc gave me Diazepam & some anti-inflammatories which I was hoping would do the trick but alas they did nothing.
So, I had to back again today. I am now on mega painkillers & Diazepam which means I've spent the day pretty out of it, not exactly pain free but so much better than yesterday. I have an appointment with an Osteopath tomorrow too..which freaks me out a bit ( the whole idea of it makes me gag! bleugh) but I have to do something, when the painkillers wear off It's back to being in joke, it's so bad :(

I have to stop writing lying down which makes typing a bit of an issue plus I just took another dose of medication & I'm feeling pretty loopy...
Will post again soon...

Night all x