Monday, 25 April 2011

Big Bad Wolf

Well, it's been about 3 weeks since I woke up nearly paralysed from a trapped nerve in my neck/shoulder & I'm still not 100% better and i've still not had any physio!!

Whilst I'm not in much pain anymore, my neck is still very stiff, especially first thing in the morning, sleeping is a big issue too. I can't seem to get comfortable and am waking up throughout the night :(

BUT that's nothing compared to the stress and anxiety I've felt for the past 7 days. It's hard not to get paranoid about who (if anyone) reads your blog but I want to be as honest as possible, otherwise what's the point of a blog. Right?

It's too long and frankly too boring to really get into on here but suffice to say someone sent a message to a few people including myself and I felt that was inappropriate & said I would email this girl back in a private email. I don't think it's fair to bring other people into a conversation when it's really not necessary. This girl wouldn't accept that and so long story short - it all kicked off! She kept re-posting messages in this one giant thread, spreading negativity and whilst I remaineed professional for a couple of days, I think by day 3 of not sleeping, crying and anxiety stomach aches, I cracked.
I became the big bad wolf...I said things in anger (which I totaly stand by, I regret none of it) 
I can only be pushed so far. It's so frustrating to be criticized by somebody who hasn't seen for themselves how well something is working. This must seem a bit crypic but to be honest the whole story is so boring and convoluted that I don't have the energy to explain the situation.

I haven't felt this bad/stressed/anxious in years really and I hate that someone has that power over me. Or had I should say.
One day I will look back on this week and laugh, I will have learned from it...I can't believe that the stress this has caused me ( and a couple of other girls) may have caused my neck to be worse and may well have caused the rash that has developed over the past few days. This bitch is trying to kill me...that or old age is. Since I turned 30 I've had more things go wrong with me than ever have before. I'm falling apart body part by body part.

Must make a Doc appointment in the morning.

Apart from the shitty week & painful/stiff neck ...the weather recently has been so hot recently. I don't really do hot/sunny..the goth in me repels it..but I made myself get out in that sunshine, vitamin D right?
I keep promising myself I'll go for a run in the evenings when it cools down but I still havn't done it and I've been eating like a horse recently - naughty! Must get off my arse and do something, but it's tough doing exercise with a dodgy neck. I was pretty much off my face on meds for two weeks and have only managed to skate once :(
I need that damned physio - I refuse to bitch about the NHS, we take it for granted. If you havn't, I reccomend that you watch Sicko the documentary about the difference between American/Canadian and UK health really opened my eyes. Plus nurses & paramedics work their arses off for not a lot of money and work very long & unsociable hours, I don't know how they do it but I'm so glad they do.
But maaaaaan, someone needs to help my neck...and do something about this rash/itchyness. It's making me feel icky :(

Well, there have been far too many unhappy faces in this post :( so I'm going to mess about on the internet for a bit and then bed.

I keep promising myself tomorrow I'll have my mojo back & i'll be able to take on the world. It will happen...and then that fully grown woman who should know better will rue the fuckin' day!!!!
Our revenge will be sweet...and cold as hell.

Night all


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