Thursday, 14 July 2011

Moan bloody moan

Well, where to begin.

The vegan baking demonstrations at the Food Festival went really well. I was a little bit nervous but as soon as I started speaking my nerves melted away & I just got on with it. EVERYONE loved the cakes and lots of people took my recipe/vegan info flyers. Some people asked questions..some about the baking, some about being vegan and even one guy asked if I missed bacon sandwiches (I don't).
So I was really pleased with how it went but later in the evening I was struck down (how dramatic) by a migrane. I'm never sure what brings them on and luckily I maybe get 1 a year but when a do boy are they a wopper!
Not only did it last all night but I had a migrane 'hangover' for the next 2 days. It was horrible and the worst part is there is nothing that seems to help. I just have to lie in the dark and try my best to sleep it off which is damn near impossible. So lame.

In other news, I started a cleaning job this week. It's both good &'s only an hour a day (but I have to make up an extra 45mins over the 6 days I work) which is fine but not really earning enough to relax a bit from, if that makes sense plus I won't get paid for 5 weeks!!! ugh, it's such a boring tale I can't be bothered to blog about it. Point is I have to wait 5weeks to get paid & only doing 6.75hrs a week means I'm not exactly going to be rolling in cash by the time I get paid.

So, with this in mind, I've been feeling a little bit down about being out of work & having no money. Every day I keep hoping I'll get some good news but every doesn't happen. Which brings me to todays tale of woe.
I almost had the opportunity to Bout next weekend. I've been training since November and I've scrimmaged quite a few times & I feel totaly confident about doing it but wanted to check with my co-director because I really value her opinion & wanted to hear her thoughts.
.....she basically said I'm not quite there yet. I'm not ashamed (or maybe I am) to admit that I got upset. I could tell he wanted to say oh go on then, but I didn't want to guilt her into it. I wanted her to say yes! go for it, but that didn't happen.
I know I'm not far off from the bouting stage but it's so frustrating. I think I just wanted something good to happen, something I could look forward to.

When it comes to roller derby I love REALLY love it, even more so I really love coaching the team and if I'm honest I'm starting to feel like even that is being taken away from me. Which is almost more upsetting because I know I'm good at it.
We've had a hockey coach get involved with our team and while I know we'd be fools to have turned down his offer for helping coach, I can't help but feel a little usurped. I feel like we only have 2 hours to train a week and he takes up valuable time. It's all useful stuff he's teaching us but it's not derby. I'm so aware as I write this that I would so selfish and petulant but I can't help but just feel a little redundant sometimes.
So today when I was feeling a bit down about my unemployed status, having a cleaning job that is barely paying me anything and the one thing that could have cheered me up...well, just wasn't on the cards.
I hate feeling so bloody useless. Like I'm no good at anything..can't get a job, not good enough to bout, I feel like I'm a good coach but ..pah! I'm so fed up I don't even want to finish this sentence.

Oh it's all a bit moany moany isn't it?
I've been trying so hard to stay positive in the face of all the bad situations but my patience is wearing a bit thin.
I just need something good to happen...I know it will, eventually but sooner rather than later would be good.
I don't like to leave things on a down note on here so I'll leave this with a great quote I saw today.

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot"
Says it all really.
Night xxx

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