Moan bloody moan

Well, where to begin.

The vegan baking demonstrations at the Food Festival went really well. I was a little bit nervous but as soon as I started speaking my nerves melted away & I just got on with it. EVERYONE loved the cakes and lots of people took my recipe/vegan info flyers. Some people asked questions..some about the baking, some about being vegan and even one guy asked if I missed bacon sandwiches (I don't).
So I was really pleased with how it went but later in the evening I was struck down (how dramatic) by a migrane. I'm never sure what brings them on and luckily I maybe get 1 a year but when a do boy are they a wopper!
Not only did it last all night but I had a migrane 'hangover' for the next 2 days. It was horrible and the worst part is there is nothing that seems to help. I just have to lie in the dark and try my best to sleep it off which is damn near impossible. So lame.

In other news, I started a cleaning job this week. It's both good & bad...it's only an hour a day (but I have to make up an extra 45mins over the 6 days I work) which is fine but not really earning enough to relax a bit from, if that makes sense plus I won't get paid for 5 weeks!!! ugh, it's such a boring tale I can't be bothered to blog about it. Point is I have to wait 5weeks to get paid & only doing 6.75hrs a week means I'm not exactly going to be rolling in cash by the time I get paid.

So, with this in mind, I've been feeling a little bit down about being out of work & having no money. Every day I keep hoping I'll get some good news but every day..it doesn't happen. Which brings me to todays tale of woe.
I almost had the opportunity to Bout next weekend. I've been training since November and I've scrimmaged quite a few times & I feel totaly confident about doing it but wanted to check with my co-director because I really value her opinion & wanted to hear her thoughts.
.....she basically said I'm not quite there yet. I'm not ashamed (or maybe I am) to admit that I got upset. I could tell he wanted to say oh go on then, but I didn't want to guilt her into it. I wanted her to say yes! go for it, but that didn't happen.
I know I'm not far off from the bouting stage but it's so frustrating. I think I just wanted something good to happen, something I could look forward to.

When it comes to roller derby I love it...like REALLY love it, even more so I really love coaching the team and if I'm honest I'm starting to feel like even that is being taken away from me. Which is almost more upsetting because I know I'm good at it.
We've had a hockey coach get involved with our team and while I know we'd be fools to have turned down his offer for helping coach, I can't help but feel a little usurped. I feel like we only have 2 hours to train a week and he takes up valuable time. It's all useful stuff he's teaching us but it's not derby. I'm so aware as I write this that I would so selfish and petulant but I can't help but just feel a little redundant sometimes.
So today when I was feeling a bit down about my unemployed status, having a cleaning job that is barely paying me anything and the one thing that could have cheered me up...well, just wasn't on the cards.
I hate feeling so bloody useless. Like I'm no good at anything..can't get a job, not good enough to bout, I feel like I'm a good coach but ..pah! I'm so fed up I don't even want to finish this sentence.

Oh it's all a bit moany moany isn't it?
I've been trying so hard to stay positive in the face of all the bad situations but my patience is wearing a bit thin.
I just need something good to happen...I know it will, eventually but sooner rather than later would be good.
I don't like to leave things on a down note on here so I'll leave this with a great quote I saw today.

"My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot"

Says it all really.

Night xxx

Positivity

Ok , so I've just completed day 6 of Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred & I'm LOVING it!!!
I've found that the workout is getting a little bit easier each day but not only that the workout seems to fly by now..I feel like even though I'm sweaty and breathing hard..i ould carry on for a bit longer. Am sure I'll change me mind about that come day 1 of level 2. I skipped ahead yesterday after my workout just to see what level 2 was like.....I'm scared!! haha

The 30 Day Shred has been so enjoyable so far that it's really made me have a serious think about Open University courses etc
Being the coach for my roller derby team is a big deal for me and I'd rerally like to have some proper sports, health and fitness knowledge behind me. I'd like to make our warm ups even better than they already are.
Courses and training is expensive though :( It kills me whenever I think about the skating coach course I was booked to go on that got cancelled earlier this year. I really hope they organise it for another time.

I think for now I'll just try to educate myself on health and fitness as much as I can. There is a lot of conflicting advice out there so I'll need to find the best possible resources and try to study it as much as possible.

I havn't done much crafting recently, although I have crocheted two hats since I was made redundant. Have spent every day looking for work and I have an interview this .(fingers crossed!!) Job hunting is pretty soul destroying, my lovely husband keeps telling me that not getting an interview is no reflection on me and i've only been out of work for 10 days but..I hate it. I hate knowing that I'm not getting paid at the end of the month, I miss the books, I miss getting out of the house every day.
I just have to remain positive and KNOW that I will get a job soon and hopefully it'll be worth the wait.

"A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort."  ~Herm Albright, quoted in Reader's Digest, June 1995

xxxxx